I am not sure though
so I will retell it
along with the story of the snake the apple and the garden
and then I'll go on about the loaves and fishes
and I might even throw in that temple tantrum
I'll write it at home and post it
I guarantee
you will laugh
at the antics of Jesus
------
Let's begin
at the Beginning
at the Beginning
The
Garden of Eden
In
the older Apocrypha
Eve is God's second attempt
at a suitable wife for Adam
Eve is God's second attempt
at a suitable wife for Adam
The
first is Lilith
My
Old Atheist-Jew friend
Says it was the penile bone Eve was made of
I think that was Lilith
and Eve was the missing rib
Says it was the penile bone Eve was made of
I think that was Lilith
and Eve was the missing rib
Anyway
Lilith ran off with the neighbor
whose name was Samael
He was black
so nobody thought to record where he was made from
Lilith ran off with the neighbor
whose name was Samael
He was black
so nobody thought to record where he was made from
And
after Adam boo-hooed for a while
that Lilith had gone off with the neighbor
after he had given up his penile bone
to get her in the first place
God made Eve out of his rib
to stop his whining
that Lilith had gone off with the neighbor
after he had given up his penile bone
to get her in the first place
God made Eve out of his rib
to stop his whining
Eve
was a better match any way
because Lilith liked fast times and bigger the better
but Eve was pretty happy
with the whole Garden life
because Lilith liked fast times and bigger the better
but Eve was pretty happy
with the whole Garden life
that
Adam was hip to at the time
Adam
would
eventually
start going on trips
eventually
start going on trips
Long ones
Because
it is a big world
And they are supposedly alone
Except for their neighbor
and
And they are supposedly alone
Except for their neighbor
and
Adam's
ex
So
Adam goes off with his ass
(donkey)
for 3-4 months at a time
LookingAround
(donkey)
for 3-4 months at a time
LookingAround
The
lovely Eve is content the first few times
but after a while
needing someone to talk to
she starts to chat a bit
with
The Serpent
but after a while
needing someone to talk to
she starts to chat a bit
with
The Serpent
Let's
pull back from our Allegorical Tale
for a moment
and directly look at the symbolism
for a moment
and directly look at the symbolism
of
the synopsys of the story
Of
the Garden
and
The Original Sin
and
The Original Sin
So
the Snake is a Charmer
and he convinces Eve
to eat the Fruit
of the tree of Life and Knowledge
She does so
and LIKING the results
convinces Adam to do
the SAME
and he convinces Eve
to eat the Fruit
of the tree of Life and Knowledge
She does so
and LIKING the results
convinces Adam to do
the SAME
Ahem
Analyse
it in THIS way
The
Fruit
often referred to as the Apple
is the head of the penis
which looks like an apple
from its underside when hanging down
often referred to as the Apple
is the head of the penis
which looks like an apple
from its underside when hanging down
The
Tree is
The staff of the penis and the top
of pubic hair
and the fruit hangs as the testicles
the edible ripened Fruit
being the hanging tip of the penis
The Seeds of the Fruit are
Semen
That is the source
of the Knowledge
The eating of the seeds
the Semen
The staff of the penis and the top
of pubic hair
and the fruit hangs as the testicles
the edible ripened Fruit
being the hanging tip of the penis
The Seeds of the Fruit are
Semen
That is the source
of the Knowledge
The eating of the seeds
the Semen
Information
messages
communication
pheremones
hormones
ingested
messages
communication
pheremones
hormones
ingested
Now
it was bad enough
when Eve ate the Semen and got smarter
But Dad really got angry
and all hell broke loose
when Eve convinced Adam
to suck the apple the Snake
the Charming Neighbor
offered
and eat the seed
thereby becoming too smart-ass
to stay in his Dad's Garden
anymore
it was bad enough
when Eve ate the Semen and got smarter
But Dad really got angry
and all hell broke loose
when Eve convinced Adam
to suck the apple the Snake
the Charming Neighbor
offered
and eat the seed
thereby becoming too smart-ass
to stay in his Dad's Garden
anymore
I have slowly been working out how to tell that one
for a number of years
I've tried it on a number of people
but not as many as the next two
so on to the loaves and fishes...
and then theWINE!!!!
The
big Jesus Show is coming
people from miles around are going to it
they've been talking about it for months
He's a cool cat
everyone knows
those Jesus Show's
are a lotta fun
people from miles around are going to it
they've been talking about it for months
He's a cool cat
everyone knows
those Jesus Show's
are a lotta fun
So
something happens with
Logistics
They order a bynch of catering
but on the first couple days
most of what arrives is rancid
Logistics
They order a bynch of catering
but on the first couple days
most of what arrives is rancid
And
the Dude himself
is set to perform
after a day of musicians a
is set to perform
after a day of musicians a
and
dancing
People
are growly
they walked more than 20 miles some of them
everything took a bit longer than everyone anticipated
and so everyone had eaten their food already
some was coming
but the Dude
had to keep these people's hungry attention
they walked more than 20 miles some of them
everything took a bit longer than everyone anticipated
and so everyone had eaten their food already
some was coming
but the Dude
had to keep these people's hungry attention
so
he had one cart of fish
and one of bread
The Man himself
it says
gave each person a piece if bread and fish
So my thesis is
and one of bread
The Man himself
it says
gave each person a piece if bread and fish
So my thesis is
the
Man
The Dude
Jesus
took each piece of bread
and piece of fish
and smushed a quarter gram of
cubensis mushrooms dried and powdered
(which grew quite commonly in that area then)
into the bread with the fish
The Dude
Jesus
took each piece of bread
and piece of fish
and smushed a quarter gram of
cubensis mushrooms dried and powdered
(which grew quite commonly in that area then)
into the bread with the fish
so
for about 8 hours
the 2000 people or so
felt no hunger
and had a wonderful Time
the 2000 people or so
felt no hunger
and had a wonderful Time
Now
let's see about that Wine story...
(wip)
(wip)
http://christuusgnosis.blogspot.ca/2008/11/jesus-stories-1.html
http://christuusgnosis.blogspot.ca/2008/10/jesus.html
http://christuusgnosis.blogspot.ca/2008/12/another-jesus-story.html
http://christuusgnosis.blogspot.ca/2008/07/was-there-jesus-of-course.html
http://christuusgnosis.blogspot.ca/2013/03/the-jesus-zombie.html
http://christuusgnosis.blogspot.ca/2013/03/jesus-was-dark-brown.html
http://christuusgnosis.blogspot.ca/2013/03/what-death-of-jesus-represents.html
http://christuusgnosis.blogspot.ca/2011/01/jesus-god-of-vine-carl-jung-gets-pagan.html
http://christuusgnosis.blogspot.ca/2012/04/what-is-really-so-fucked-up-with.html
http://christuusgnosis.blogspot.ca/2011/12/christianity-and-other-monotheisms-vs.html
http://christuusgnosis.blogspot.ca/search?q=satan
