For your reading pleasure: Space Tunnel to Asslandia - Chapters 8 - 14 hot off the press from my serial novels website serializednovel.wordpress.com!
Chapter 1-7 are here
Chapters 1-14 complete are here
Chapter 8
In the movie adaptation, all the shit is replaced with water,
and no mention is made of the dread invasion of our butts.
It's something of a fairy tale, really.
The reality was it took literally hours to travel to our destination, and mandy never once took her eyes off my ass.
I didn't have any ass to stare at, so I was looking out the walls and ahead.
Every once in a while I would turn around. But her fascination with my butt was too unnerving.
I think that's when she fell in love with me. That first trip.
She wouldn't stop licking her lips. It was so freaky. If I ever wanted someone to lick my ass, it would not be Mandy. She had NO sense of rhythm.
Pooper looked similarly attracted to T.
T started singing. Not human singing. Our dread companions all writhed in unison. Thinking became difficult.
I blacked out for a while.
Chapter 9
The funny thing about all this is...
We were never the "Asslandia - 1" Team.
Honestly.
I didn't get any briefing on alien worlds and ass-huggers from another planet.
I didn't get a gun. I didn't get any "combat training" or diplomatic instructions.
I was SHIT-CLEANUP. So was Mandy, Smack, Pooper, even science boy.
We were in the first tunnel section to cleanup and assess the possibility of more shit coming through. and what might be necessary to deal with it. My briefing was about how we were supposed to work together when the shit reached the ceiling ventilation fans, like it did last time.
We were NOT a "highly trained earth recon team scouting possible hostile and allied forces on hostile planets through the Space Tunnel. Battling the ancient alien forces intent on inabiting human bodies through their ass."
That was the marketing shit for the movie they made 10 years later.
Minus the ass.
The movie with the big swoosh of CLEAN water, not shit, every time they use the tunnel. I'm an anthropologist or something in it, not a shit vacuumer like in real life.
Nope. Low level pooper scoopers is what we were.
Up to our knees in an alien swamp,
with no clothes on.
Chapter 10
I remember Cub Scouts.
In a small northern community. A cub scout Jamboree. Whoo hOOO!
I learned to use a hatchet and fix the wedge. 3 kids were hospitalized in separate incidents, leading to much tent talk. I actually enjoyed it a lot, but I'm a loner who likes to bushwack. It was a place of beautiful rot and decay.
It was on some northern hectares somewhere in north alberta, on a "lake". Which was actually a swamp. If you got out on it in a canoe it resembled a lake. But it was a swamp. With leeches.
Thousands of them. Suspended in the water. In the green-black murk. Lots and lots and lots of leeches. And not enough salt to deal with it in the camp. I had my stash and it was "fuck you all". Seriously. I don't like leeches, and I was a good boy scout. I was Prepared.
The swamp was beautiful and serene on top, but terrifying to touch or immerse yourself in. Terrifying. Visceral and pungent and Terrifying. There HAD to be dead bodies in something that stank that bad. We all whispered around marshmallows about who they might be.
Underneath the water was not sand, but about 2 feet of muck. Black oozy dirty rot muck with thousands of little snail shells to wiggle between your toes.
I also learned to bathe with one hand off a rock that weekend I think. Twice I stepped in the muck, and twice was enough. The canoe was cool.
The leeches definitely were not. Or the snails.
So. Alien planet. Just slid naked across the galaxy on the quest for home initiated by an ass parasite, kind of like a big dread leech. It's squirming. I'm in a bit of shock. I just had the most amazing experience of bright white light and humming, the gorgeous capsule transference mechanism that somehow transports me and I am forever in love with it. Like the Tasp of Nessus it has entranced me and I think I am in love with a space capsule. Seriously. Damn I wish I could have taken it home after those years.
Reality kicks in. The capsule is no more. The white light recedes to darkness. The beautiful fuzzy warmth becomes slimy clammy and cold. Like The Swamp.
I'm up to my upper thigh in something like water but slightly more viscous.
The "ground" beneath is like the swamp I just described. Something like small snail is everywhere throughout a thicker earthy granular ooze, 2 feet up my leg.
On an alien planet.
I'm hunched over, then suddenly, I realize, I've let my ass and balls into something that I don't know is even water, it extends all around me, and I can't see cause it's a dim red evening light with fog.
And my ass was in this swamp goo. The "water" looks black in the light. It's slimey. I thought of leeches and stood up straight. Everyone did the same, in a small group. We all had hard-ons again from the Transfer Joy dammit. Then everybody groaned.
6 small splooshes occurred in the silence.
As I grew accustomed to the light I wondered if everyone else had shot their load in that moment when we were finally free of the ass invaders. It really had topped off the Transfer Joy nicely. IMHO
Gradually it became clear. T had the biggest deal obviously, and he had hit Pooper in the eye. Science boy was standing behind Pooper with a very happy smile turning to disorientation and I couldn't see the end of his dick. Which oddly didn't disturb me, it seemed "cute" at the time. Smack was in front of Pooper and had got him in the chest. I had been standing up while Mandy was leaning forward to reach for me to stabilize herself . I had hit her straight on the tit, while watching the the dread lord literally fly out of her ass into the swamp as my sight returned. It did a flip in the air and a wriggle. Then sploosh!
Everyone stood up. The capsule and the Tunnel were 100 feet behind us, dimly lit.
I HAD to get out of the goop. fast. I slogged toward the Tunnel. I was naked and thinking of crocodile like things or worse. I had no salt for leeches. I really was not Prepared.
Everyone followed. I heard science boy tell Pooper not to use the goop to wash off with, as it might be contaminated. I looked down. I seemed clear and evaporating almost like water, but who knows what kind of horrible alien parasitic infection I could have festering. I wanted a shower.
Oddly enough, my butt felt sterile compared to my outer body at the moment. Like it had been luufa'd on the inside.
I remembered how clean it was in the capsule, so that's where I headed.
Do you remember Something About Mary? The hair thing?
Mandy is walking beside me, because she's waaay faster and bigger than me, she's looking down at me, and my splurge is sproinging back and forth off the end of her nipple with each step before finally making a wet splat and sticking to her torso and lower boob. She doesn't notice. Her eyes are glittering.
Capsule, Capsule, please let me inside!
Chapter 11
After the harrowing realization that I had exposed my genitals and ass to an alien liquid swamp goo, and the subsequent realization that , yes, this was infinitely more icky than anything that had happened before during the last 4 hours, I did, at that moment consider psychological counseling. Unfortunately I was never able to get ANYONE to believe what really happened after they made that pathetic family content propaganda movie.
Seriously. Alien mindcontrolling ass-dreadlocks? Nope. I was shit out of luck and gave up within 2 months of being back on earth.
That was 3 years from this moment, on an alien swamp planet, naked, with Lt. "Something About" Mandy standing goofily but strangley soft and "vulnerable" looking in the reddish "moonlight. Like that red version of She-Hulk, but with googly eyes all glinting red.
I am scared. Literally. I feel Filthy with a capital F. Alien goop on my balls. My ass was in there. The capsule liquid had seemed pristine to whatever we were just in. Something roared about 20 ft away. My average white boy weiner had gone full turtle and sucked himself right up to where he was well hidden behind my balls. I'm not a "show-er", that's for sure. Mandy really scared me and she kept staring at my private bits which at this time were trying to be covert. I would have personally had a hard time finding my dick at this moment so I don't know what she was thinking, and the idea of her huge steroid driven frame entertaining thoughts larger than those contained in a children's primer was literally making me want to piss myself. Which would have been straight ahead as I couldn't grab mr. turtle to aim I'm sure.
I quickly turn my attention to the glowing blue capsule, now on its side.
Chapter 12
So Mandy is staring at me all infatuated, Science Boy Mickey is getting a visible boner staring at Pooper's ass, Pooper was looking at T like he was some sort of African Love God arisen to save him, and Smack obviously was in loooooove with Mandy.
If I had known, at that very moment,that this is the way it would be through most of the next 3 years, including the NAKED part, I probably would have pulled out a vein with my own teeth right then and there.
Hindsight, of course, isn't reality.
Mandy was conspicuously right behind me as I moved to the front of the capsule. I couldn't reach the spot that T had rubbed. Mandy picked me up, like Arnie or something, and very gently put me to the side and tried.
I was so scared. Seriously. I got picked up and gently put aside by Amazon Shit Cleanup Woman from earth.
I was so glad she didn't have all her guns. She REALLY liked guns.
Everyone that could reach rubbed the dildo capsule firmly under the tip.
Which was everyone but me and Pooper.
T picked up Pooper so he could rub it.
Pooper looked sooo happy in that moment. Wow.
Mandy picked me up again and actually put me on her shoulders like a 5 year old.
My balls were against the back of her neck. She had a tattoo of a skull with a snake running through its eyes and a couple of wings of fire. That's what I saw before my balls made a satisfying but painful smack against it. Mr. Turtle burrowed deeper. I rubbed the tip of the capsule.
Nothing.
Mandy walked over to the Tunnel orifice. She was looking for a red button and finger thing. My ass was at everyone's eye level and my balls were smooshed against She Hulk's neck. At least she was carrying me very smoothly.
There wasn't any light anymore, but the Tunnel was on a little soft sand island only 100 feet in diameter around the orifice. Behind it was sheer rock wall. I just got pooped out onto an alien beach and I wanted a shower sooo bad.
Here, the button was on the wall. It wasn't lit up like at home. There was a hole in the wall beside it but none of us would touch that until we were sure we could make the Rinse Cycle go. Naked in alien goo was bad enough, but naked in that shit we had been shoveling back on earth would have been...
I couldn't even imagine. None of us could. We would NOT stick our fingers in that hole for ANYTHING.
Chapter 13
Hours later I woke up. Many hours later.
I felt so much better for having slept. Even though I was being squished against the wall by Mandy's massive frame. I had a tiny crack between her boobs to breathe through. A couple of times that night she had shifted and cut off my air supply through the crack.
I was NOT strong enough to move She-Hulk. I almost died in her arms that night, literally.
Suffocating to death by boob seems like a nice way to go, but believe me, suffocation is suffocation.
The Horror.
I wake up sometimes in a sweat from that. I felt so helpless. I never let her pin me against a wall again.
I can't say she never pinned me again. Just not against a wall.
OK there was that one time when the Dread Lords had me shackled with my face to a wall, but I choose to forget that right now. It was too weird. I can't believe she did that...
Chapter 14
It seemed a bit longer than a night on Earth. We slept hard. Every time I woke up I had a facefull of solid muscle-tits. It was better than being eaten by a crocodile thing, but not by much. I had to pee about halfway through the night. 6 hours of holding my pee while having an immense immobile she-beast pressing her 6-pack pelvis into my bladder.
As I said, The Horror.
The reddish light grew and the fog stayed. Almost in unison people began grunting awake. Mandy awoke fast, like a good little soldier girl, and apparently had to use my lower abdomen to push herself up. I wanted to just let er rip, the pain was so bad, but I just made a slightly feminine squeek and groaned in relief when she stood up. I ran to the waterline I had previously run from and pissed for a long time. Other people apparently had been able to go throughout the night. It's amazing how good a piss can feel sometimes.
Freed from my nightmare flesh bondage and fresh from my pee break I look around the nothingness. Monkey draws a blank. Nada. There is jack shit for tools anywhere. Capsule in goo about 30 feet away, surrounded by misty fog shit thats kinda yellowish. Reddish light, no visible disc so high cloud but no low cloud formations, red sky, warm, for about 20-30 feet around the Tunnel orifice there is no mist. reddish sand with black pebbles. Orifice, dead Rinse Cycle button, Fingerhole, and wall.
6 naked people. Pretty clean but naked. Butt naked. Nothing.
No light on the capsule, no light on the button. Birdlike animal screeches and low rumbling roars with splashes not too far away. Mr. Turtle goes back to hide.
Our Predicament is about as messed up as it could be.
I hear a hungry roar in the swamp. My stomach growls. I have zero ideas and am not at all confident in any of my companions having ideas. If there is no Deus Ex Machina, we are probably fucked.
