OMG it will be funny.
Well,
If you find THIS funny it will be...
https://christuusgnosis.wordpress.com/2014/05/05/discount-dildos/
https://christuusgnosis.wordpress.com/2013/12/07/end-homophobia-forever-convert-the-world-to-bumfuckerism/
This is a long rumination on that mysterious clear substance that an evolved Homo Sapien can spontaneously generate.
According to the religion of BumFuckerism(tm) this holy substance, generated by the clean and holie bum of a BumFucker Acolyte, is the personal lubricant generated by universal love, enabling us easier access to the deeper folds of the Holie Hole.
=P
(I have to update my blog article
Human Evolution According to Bumfuckerism
I was off on the timeline for human tool use
still
dinosaurs dead with 90% of the other species at 65M and human tool use at 2.8M-3.5M leaves a 62M gap between dino death and intelligent human activity...
As a High Priest of Bumfuckerism
it is important that I have my facts "straight"
or I'd be just like the christians)
From Slime to The Sublime Bumslime:
The Evolution of Humanity according to Bumfuckerism
This is a WIP...I'm still Wipping it!!!!
So, let's begin with the start of evolution and move forward.
I was in the park by the community centre,
watching the back of the organics place
because I sometimes find scraps of organic food to eat there amongst the throwaways
and two JW's started setting up their stand
JW's are very interesting puppet people
They are on this Christian Apologetics kick right now
trying to get young people into the flock
paying into the pyramid
so they got these really flashy pamphlets and portable signs
depicting scientific images of life and the solar system
with bizzare inferential texts that make like science
but completely ignore the core facts
This young JW is there.
I targeted her because the dude was a pink shirted flamer and
I don't know, it was too much
so I start talking to the young 20'ish JW woman
Me.
An old Shaman Kenobi
and a "high priest of bumfuckerism" to boot
=|
She believes that creation from slime over billions of years
is wrong
and that humans and dinosaurs did not co exist
There were no humans when the dinos were there
I explained to her that, in fact,
humans were around at the time of the dinosaurs
But we were about 4.5 ft max,
we had not yet become bipedal
we still spent 50% of our time in trees
did not use tools
and looked like a cross between a large racoon and a sloth
There were lots of them in the muck
Their dna and ours are linked totally
They didn't wear clothes, make ropes or have fire
They had big titties.
Even the males.
I saw an artist's rendition on wikipedia or something like that.
She doesn't seem to understand the spans of TIME involved
but
she is only 20'ish and part of a brainwashing cult
unlike the brain freeing path of bumfuckerism
I explained to her that she would not exist
except that she had an unbroken line
of Ancestors
all the way back
to the Slime at the start of human time
If any of her ancestors had died before procreating
she would not exist
her ancestry traces all the way back
to the Slime.
She was quite shocked
Humans that walked upright always and used tools,
wore clothes, made ropes and ceramics
began forming villages around 300,000 years ago.
We didn't do a lot of tools and huts before that
or clothes
The last dinosaurs died 65 MILLION years before that
when the the 3rd M.E.E. occurred
"Mass Extinction Event"
There are 3 in Earth history,
2 from volcanos
and one from a railway car sized asteroid
It was the asteroid (two within a day actually) that offed the dinosaurs
It hit in northwest mexico about a mile off the coast on a shallow coastline
and threw millions of tons of vaporized sand and rock into the air
The temperature worldwide dropped almost 20 degrees celsius globally overnite
and anything that couldn't swim
or crawl into a hole
died
NOT just the dinosaurs
That's why we know it killed them
because it killed 90% of the organisms and species on the planet
All the dinos died at once.
We know this because of something called STRATA
That's the layers of rock we see looking at the side of a river bed
And at a certain point there is a steady layer of dinos and everything else
and then above that
no dinos
ZERO
NONE
they were all toast,
except for lizards that could muck-sleep
WAAAAAY above that
with 65 million years of dirt between them
are the beginnings of humans building huts and flinting stone.
At 64 MILLION years after the last dinos died
we still had not as a species
mastered continuous fire
didn't wear clothes
didn't have rope
didn't flint stone
Contrary to our childhood media programming
no Homo Sapien ever waved a spear at a T-Rex
Cave-people did not wear furs and hide from velociraptors
They didn't have fire until a few hundred thousand years ago
They never cooked any dino steaks
ever
The poor girl thought I was just trying to hit on her of course
and she didn't believe a word of what I said
I wasn't hitting on her really
I was just being humorous and prosyletic
she looked very gullible and opinionated
I thought she needed a Reality Check
and she did NOT look like a girl who was happy with her BUM
So that was a deal breaker...
I was definately NOT hitting on her
But an auntie JW flew in clutching her as I walked off
saying something about
"Where is God?
Between the Earth and Sun?
Between the Sun and Moon
Between Me and you?
Another plane of Existence?
Hmmm?"
But the little white man was chirping at us
it was time to cross over...
cross over
cross over
Silly games of children...
Telling stories about the past
interweaved with their present delusion
We move foward now to the present
WE all laughed at that nerd Santorum
being the Savage namesake for "lube and fecal matter"
But what of the Holy BumSlime?
300 million years of time that this rock has been spinning
and we've clutched its face and spun around it
evolving from slime to little sloth things
to tools and villages,
then towns and books and cars and bikes
and multimedia
And yet we seem to know so little about ourselves
and the Holy BumSlime that we create
Its quite amazing
If a human eats a bunch of fruit or granola before bed
has a good crap in the morning
and rinses out their butt with something
like, perhaps,
the hose left after chopping off a shower massage head?
or something designed for the purpose in a seedy store...
then
about an hour later
The Evolved Human Body of the adept Bumfucker
creates its own natural
completely clear and odorless
Slimy Lube!!!
It is an amazing miracle of Life
The evolution of humanity
from Slime
to this point of Holiness
Where We, ourselves
have become
The Creators of Slime
from ourselves.
It's so amazing,
you would even think
it was designed that way...
Continuing in our exploration of evolution
as according to BumFuckerism
We progress within the Slime of our partner's Holie-ness
finding the universal path there
common to all males and females of the species
it is the common path
and after we have cleansed ourselves
from the shame that the unenlightened ones have
about their bums
and then we finally progress
to where
we can actually
return to the Dirt
from whence we came
and do it Dirty
This is why Christians
and lower level adepts learning the Cleansing Path
like white sheets
but the higher level Adepts of BumFuckerism
prefer the Shower
Or just
Doing it Dirty.
The greatest compliment
in fact that a BumFucker's partner can give them
is to shit themselves silly as their partner explores
The Holie Path
and/or piss on their toes.
This is The Holy Shit
of the Inner Circle of BumFuckerism
The second greatest compliment is to point their
Evolved Hole towards you and bring forth
the folds of the Sacred Red Rose.
Oh holie of holies!!!!
The inward quest of the Holie Path of BumFuckerism
will yield you more joy and mental freedom
Than any other methodology
It takes great Will and bravery
Enjoy the Path and the Roses
and you will find your way...
8P
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_evolution
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hominini
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homo_sapiens
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homo
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Late_Cretaceous
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extinction_event
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cretaceous%E2%80%93Paleogene_extinction_event
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicxulub_impactor
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recent_African_origin_of_modern_humans
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone_tool
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_clothing_and_textiles
